Updated: Mar 13
Roosevelt and I met in 1986 while serving with a student organization at Purdue University. Our friendship started out a little shaky because he “stole” my position as the Professional Techniques Committee chairperson. In our book, The Power of Agreement we share how we began working together by planning our organization’s job fair with more than 70 corporate companies attending. The months of planning the event, along with singing in the university’s gospel choir, and attending one of the campus ministries together lead us to become prayer partners and, eventually, very good friends.
In hindsight, Roosevelt became a great sounding board, helping me sort through relationship issues that I was having. In the Fall of 1988, after months of receiving his counsel for more than a few failed relationships, Roosevelt made the big announcement that he wanted to start dating me (Maybe he felt sorry for my reoccurring dating sagas). My first reaction was to run away from him! I told my mother, “I was in trouble because the church boy wants to date me.” My mother, who adored Roosevelt until her last breath, said, “What is wrong with you?” She reminded me of all the raggedy boys that I dated in the past, so why wouldn’t I be willing to give Roosevelt a chance? Needless to say, I came to my senses and the rest is history.
I graduated from Purdue in December 1988 and accepted a management position at the State Farm Insurance regional office which was in the same town as the university. Roosevelt and I continued dating and that next fall we decided to start premarital counseling with our campus pastor. We were officially engaged on December 26, 1989, and set our wedding date on Roosevelt’s birthday, August 11, 1990.
With Valentine’s season approaching a few weeks ago I began thinking about our life today after 32 years of marriage and I asked myself, “Why did I get married?” As I pondered the question, my three honest answers were 1) He was a cute nerdy church boy and I was physically attracted to him; 2) I never wanted to be alone and we enjoyed one another’s company, and 3) I could imagine a future with him because he had always been honest and faithful and He really loved God.
At first glance, these reasons seemed a little shallow but in reality, they were a good starting point that just needed some refining and biblical revelation which we have certainly received over the past 30+ years. We are at a place now in our marriage where we understand God’s original intent and strive daily to live and walk it out. Back then I never would have imagined us going through the things we’ve experienced and being who and where we are today.
So I’d like to compare the answers to “why did I get married” in 1990 to “why I am happily married” in 2023.
Physical attraction is a necessity in marriage; however, it’s amazing how the physical things that were important to us then mean little or nothing now. While we were fit and trim then we now both have extra love handles. Roosevelt lost all his hair and I, from time to time, wear wigs or extensions. We see a few wrinkles, notice a little jiggling around the chin and neck, and laugh about the six-pack that turned into a quart. But, none of these changes have lessened our passion and intimacy for one another nor has it caused us to look elsewhere for fulfillment. Roosevelt took to heart Proverbs 5:18 which admonishes husbands to rejoice in the wife of your youth. He often reminds me that even after giving birth to three children and all our years of marriage, he still finds me physically attractive.
I never imagined myself as single or alone. Despite separation and divorce being common in my family, I was never reluctant to marry like so many others who have been hurt by divorce. While I didn’t know it at the time, God clearly stated, “It wasn’t good for man to be alone” so He made him a suitable, complementary, and compatible helper (Genesis 2:18). My desire to not be alone had nothing to do with being suitable and complementary because I didn’t see myself that way.
I’ve mentioned “church boy” several times. My issue with the church boy was that everything I knew and experienced with Roosevelt showed me that he was a real Christian and in many ways, I was just faking it. He always did, and still does, walk in the integrity of a man of God. While I wasn’t solid 30+ years ago in my faith, Roosevelt Quick II certainly was and that gave me hope for the future, despite feeling that I didn’t quite measure up.
I am so grateful and thankful that through the years he’s lived with me in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7). The amplified version goes on to say “with great gentleness and tact and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship.” This has made all the difference, from feeling inadequate, in the early years, to realizing the power and authority I have as a helpmate, submitted to my own husband.
My biological father wasn’t faithful to my mother or our family. So, honesty and faithfulness are huge for me. I am fortunate that during our premarital preparation, our pastor had the wisdom to know that unforgiveness towards my father would have a negative impact on my marriage the first time Roosevelt did anything that I perceived consciously or subconsciously as being like my father. We spent months getting to the root of my father-daughter issues. Forgiveness was a process that took years to work through because the hurt and disappointment were so deep. But, I released my father because my life, marriage, family, and ministry to couples and women depended on it.
Honesty can be a hard pill to swallow when your spouse shares things that could potentially expose you. Throughout our 32 years when Roosevelt and I needed to be vulnerable and emotionally naked before one another, we covered one another in prayer as a sign of our lifelong commitment.
Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage said, “What If God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”
That is such a profound revelation when you compare it to the list of reasons you gave for saying “I do”. I am so glad I said, “yes” to the man who chose me. It’s an honor and a privilege to stand by his side even in difficult times because as we journey through life together, we help each other look more and more like Jesus Christ, the author and the finisher of our faith.
The Power of Agreement uses scriptural references, biblical examples, the Quick's personal stories, and testimonials from family and friends describing how working in agreement produces powerful results. Order your copy today!
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