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Choosing Mr. or Ms. “Right”

Someone asked me recently if I thought there is one perfect match for everyone. My answer is “no”, because on a planet of more than 7.7 billion people, what’s the likelihood that you would ever find that person? What if they lived in another city, state, country or on another continent? What if they didn’t know you existed and chose someone else? Or worst-case scenario, what if they died in a tragic car accident? In either of these scenarios, your perfect man or woman is out of your reach. So now what? Are you to remain single for the rest of your life?

Before going any further I want to clarify that I’m not addressing the necessary steps in choosing a spouse. That’s for another blog. Instead, my recommendations are for choosing the right person to date. With that said, I encourage you that instead of looking for the perfect person (who by the way doesn’t exist anyway), why not broaden that search and look for someone who the Amplified Bible says is “suitable and complementary”.

I call that the “right fit” and here are my recommended qualifications for finding Mr. or Ms. “Right”:

R – Respectful. A person who honors their parents, appreciates their siblings, relatives, and friends, and who respects others’ viewpoints, opinions, and personality differences. Life is about honoring the blessings God has placed in our lives in the form of other humans who have a wealth of knowledge to offer and contribute toward our growth and maturity.

I – Integrity. The mark of integrity is what you say and do when no one else is watching (or when you think they aren’t watching). Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. In other words, you can be trusted to be where you’re supposed to be and do what you are supposed to do without someone having to check in on you.

G – Godly Lifestyle. Again, we’re not looking for the perfect person but rather someone who desires to live their life based on godly principles. This allows growth individually and together as a couple. As a couple grows together through life experiences, God’s intent is they look more like Christ which is the true reflection of His image and likeness.

H – Honesty. The Merriam-Webster dictionary says that honesty is “good and truthful: not lying, stealing, or cheating”. That seems pretty straightforward and exactly what one should expect from the person that they say, “I do” to. If during the courting phase, one finds that their partner is a liar, thief, or cheater, then please be honest with yourself and admit that you probably will not change them so it’s best to conclude that they are not “right” for you.

T – Tenacious. Over thirty years of marriage has proven that tenacity is necessary through raising children, overcoming financial challenges, and navigating life as two different people with unique ideas, needs, and desires. Tenacity says, no matter what, “We won’t quit!” We are determined, persistent, and firmly bonded together.

You may have noticed that these are all internal character traits that are needed for a strong, vibrant and fulfilling relationship. I’ve been blessed to have found these and many other qualities in my husband Roosevelt during our relationship over the past 32 + years. I’m so glad that we didn’t choose one another based on looks or bank accounts because neither is the same as they were 30 years ago. Instead, we chose one another as the “right fit” because our individual character traits demonstrated solid qualities on which a great foundation for a fulfilling marriage could be built.


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